You in the mornings. Me in the mornings.

Boys, I feel I owe you an explanation. You see, I know I am not at my best in the mornings. I know I don’t always appreciate your fun and games and desire to perform a show for me at 6.23am. I know sometimes you can’t hear what I’m saying and you don’t understand why I can’t move just a little bit quicker or why I can’t answer any of your questions until I’ve got at least one hot drink down me. I know it’s difficult to understand why I’m so grumpy when you’re so joyous, so I just wanted to explain a few of the differences between you and me in the mornings.


Emerge from your room bleary-eyed. This lasts for all of 5 seconds, and then you’re off. Where’s the crate of cars? What about the Lego? Yes yes, tip them all out. Now, yes now! Ideally whilst dancing a jig and singing your own made up good morning song.

From 0-60 in 6 seconds, that’s you.


Bleary-eyed. Still bleary-eyed after 20 minutes. Shuffling around in her dressing gown muttering something about coffee.


These first few minutes of the day are just the best. They really are. There you are, awake and refreshed with a good 10 or 11 hours sleep behind you. You want to be at the centre of all the action immediately. And if there is no action, you will create it.


These first few minutes of the day are the worst. They really are. Mum wants to be far away from the action, just for a few minutes so she can figure out what’s going on. She is still shuffling around in her dressing gown and now she’s muttering something about a cup of tea.


Are ready to get into character immediately – you have been out of bed for at least 3 minutes after all. Will it be Fireman Sam or Bob the Builder? What about Mr McGregor? Or perhaps you’ll play at being a dog, a poorly dog who needs to go to the vet. Whose dog could you be? How about Fireman Sam’s dog? Yes, be Fireman Sam’s dog. Find yourself a costume too…..or how about this for an idea: be Fireman Sam’s dog dressed up as a dinosaur. Perfect.


Only has one role to play, but is too tired even for that at the moment.


Have a stash of energy from your 11 hours in bed that apparently needs to be used in the next 10 minutes. Running, leaping, jumping, spinning, balancing and somersaulting are all desirable things to do not 5 minutes after you’ve risen for the day.


Can barely move. Just leave her in the corner please. Quietly. With her tea.


Need to make noise, and lots of it. Because you’ve been lying there in your dark, quiet room for…..well, quite a long time really. And now you have so much to say, and it’s all really important and ideally needs to be said just when everyone else in the house also has something to say. This is annoying, but what you’ve got to say is more important than anyone can ever imagine, so if no-one can hear you then you’ll just shout a bit louder. Yes you will.


Has very little to say, other than ‘please could we try not to shout, mummy has a headache’. She is sitting in the corner with her hurting head.

She still isn’t quite awake.

She’d like another tea.


Wake up immediately able to multi-task. In fact, the more things you’re attempting to do at the same time, the better. Brushing teeth whilst singing The Bare Necessities, demonstrating some new balances you’ve been working on and building a Duplo tower? This poses no challenge at all.


Needs to go slowly, one task at a time. And preferably no tasks at all for at least 30 minutes after waking up.


So I’m sorry boys, I know I wake up grumpy. I know I snap and mutter and shuffle around talking about needing hot drinks. I know that as soon as you wake up all you want is fun and games and laughter and preferably to climb on mummy …… and you’d like all of this immediately please because actually you missed everyone while you were lying there in your room. I get it. But one day you will understand the overwhelming tiredness that takes over your life once you have more pressing things going through your mind than Fireman Sam rushing to save naughty Norman from a burning toaster. You will understand that we don’t all wake up immediately desperate to practise our handstands. You will understand why noisy toys are just about the worst thing you could wave in an adult’s face at 6.18am.

I’ll continue to try my best boys, I really will. But I know that my best isn’t always very good. So just let me have a coffee and a tea; and then let’s try all of this again in an hour shall we? I’ll be much better then, I promise.


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