This is Mummy.
This morning, Mummy had to leave the house to take her 5 year old to school. Mummy had her two 3 year olds with her. Mummy does this trip regularly.
Mummy finds leaving the house with her three children in tow one of the most stressful parts of the day; which is a shame, because Mummy has to do it a lot.
Mummy remembers a time when she would brush her hair and even put on make-up before leaving the house.
Mummy remembers when leaving the house didn’t involve shouting ‘put your shoes on’ and ‘go to the toilet’ and ‘stop wrestling with your brother’ 27 times.
Mummy returns to the present.
A 3 year old announces he would like to take his four toy eggs to school. Mummy tries to stay calm.
The 3 year old is quickly distraught. The 3 year old has realised one of the eggs is missing – he only has three eggs to take to school. This is very bad news indeed for the 3 year old.
Mummy does her best impersonation of Topsy and Tim’s irritatingly patient mum, and suggests that he take three eggs; which he should carry in his bag rather than in an egg box.
Mummy is finding herself quite ingratiating.
The 3 year old refuses to accept that he will be walking to school without the fourth egg.
The 3 year old is now lying on the floor doing an excellent impression of a wooden plank.
Mummy knows deep-down that she will never be like Topsy and Tim’s mum. Mummy returns to her normal voice, and attempts to explain to the three-year-old-with-no-concept-of-time, that getting his big brother to school on time is more important than a lost egg.
The 5 year old wonders whether he will ever make it to school.
The 3 year old eventually agrees to compromise and the three children make it to the door.
Mummy catches a glimpse of herself in the mirror.
Mummy realises that, although she still thinks about what she’d like to be when she’s a grown-up, these days she does in fact look very much like a grown-up. A tired grown-up with quite a few grey hairs.
It is only 8.30am, but Mummy has already been up for 3 hours and feels a desperate urge to go back to bed. Mummy knows she won’t be going back to bed.
The three children finally make it out of the door.
Mummy watches her children squabble over who gets to carry the eggs. Mummy would like to apologise to all the neighbours who were, until 5 minutes ago, still fast asleep.
Mummy decides she’ll write all this down when the children are asleep. And also pour herself a large glass of wine.